Haikus for Jews

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Five thousand years a
wandering people-then we
found the cabanas.

In the ice sculpture
reflected bar-mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing-
got it at Loehmann's.

In a stage whisper
a yenta confides the name
of her friend's disease

Jewish triathlon-
gin rummy, then contract bridge,
followed by a nap.

Look Muffy! I've found
the most splendid tchotchke for
our Hanukkah bush.

Scrabble anarchy
after "putzhead" is placed on
a triple-word score.

The sparkling blue sea
beckons me to wait one hour
after my sandwich.

The wily red fox-
at temple, I spy its paws
lurking in a stole.

Hava nagila,
hava nagila, hava-
enough already.

Would-be convert lost-
thawed Lender's Bagels made a
bad first impression.

Quietly murmured
at Saturday services,
Yanks 9, Red Sox 3.

Today I am a
man. Tomorrow I return
to the seventh grade.

The sparrow brings home
too many worms for her young.
"Force yourself," she chirps.

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast - feh

Left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

The shivah visit-
So sorry for your loss. Now
back to my problems.

Constipation gas
fiber enema-chatting
with the mishpocheh.

Now that Koreans
are "the New Jews," the old Jews
can leave for Boca.

Swollen by spring rain,
flowing into inky pools,
the varicose vein.

Yom Kippur-forgive
me, God, for the Mercedes
and all the lobsters.

Hard to tell under
the lights-white Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness?

Lonely mantra of
the Buddhist monk-"They never
call, they never write."

Denmark's Jewish prince-
"To be or not to be-Oy!
Have I got tsuris."

"Through the Red Sea costs
extra." Israeli movers
overcharge Moses.

No fins, no flippers
the gefilte fish swims