Holiday Special

On Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), we perform the ceremony of Tashlich - casting bread upon the waters of a lake or stream as we symbolically cast out our sins.

Rabbi Richard Israel offers these "improvements" on the tradition's instructions... Use the following breads accordingly:

For ordinary sins --- White Bread

For exotic sins --- French Bread

For particularly dark sins --- Pumpernickel

For complex sins --- Multi-Grain

For twisted sins --- Pretzels

For tasteless sins --- Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision --- Waffles

For sins committed in haste--- Matzah

For sins committed --- Matzah Shmurah less than eighteen minutes

For sins of Chutzpah --- Fresh Bread

For substance abuse --- Poppy Seed

For committing arson --- Toast

For commiting auto theft --- Caraway

For being ill-tempered --- Sourdough

For silliness --- Nut Bread

For not giving full value --- Shortbread

For jingoism --- Yankee Doodles

For excessive use of irony --- Rye Bread

For promiscuity --- Hot Buns

For racism --- Crackers

For sophisticated racism --- Ritz Crackers

For davening off-tune --- Flat Bread

For being holier-than-thou --- Bagels

For unfairly upbraiding another --Challah

For indecent photography --- Cheese Cake

For trashing the environment --- Dumplings

For sins of laziness --- Any Very Long Loaf

For sins of pride --- Puff Pastery

For lying --- Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra

For wearing tasteless hats --- Tam Tams

For the sins of the righteous --- Angel Food Cake

For selling your soul --- Devils Food Cake

For lust in your heart --- Wonder Bread

For inhaling --- Stoned Wheat