Jewish Grammar Rules
"How stunning do you have to look?"
2. Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone
asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?"
3. Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person
to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?";
"Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?"
(About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.)
4. Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough
for you?"
" What, you don't like your Aunt Sophia?" "What are you crazy or
something? "
5. Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object):
"What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop
"you"). This will prevent the evil eye from getting.
6. Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?"
7. Use "that" as a modifier to infer contempt: "Is Esther still dating THAT
Norman fellow?"
" Oh, THAT Bill Clinton?!?!"
Practice Question:
You're on the freeway, when a sports car speeds past you, weaves between cars and drives
recklessly. Your Jewish passenger asks, "What gave THAT maniac a driver's
license?"
Wrong answer: "In the 1950s, the United States made an economic decision to encourage
automobile ownership over public transportation to support the automotive industry which
created jobs and stimulated the economy. Ever since, most anyone can get a driver's
license."
Correct answer: "He's a schmuck!!!"
Gentiles can also profit from learning the nuances of Hebonics. When shopping in the
garment district, a Jewish shop owner may seem insulted at your low ball offer on
merchandise. He may shout, "What, I'm the schmekel who won't guarantee it?"
The Gentile should answer then, " What, didn't you know George Zimmerman, the putz,
will guarantee the schmata."
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