Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife. The postmaster says, "This package is too heavy, you’ll need another stamp."

Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?!"

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Q: What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the internet?

A: "Modem anachnu lach..."

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Q : If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry?

A: A Bris-kit........

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Q: What is the technical term for an uncircumcised Jew who is older than 8-days old?

A: A girl.

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Three guys are about to be executed, and they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The Italian responds, ‘Pepperoni Pizza,’ which he is served and then he is quickly executed.

The Frenchman requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and then he is promptly executed.

The Jew requests a plate of strawberries.

Yes, Strawberries.

He is told, "But they are out of season!"

"So, nu, I’ll wait . . . ."

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Two Jewish men are sitting in a deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews.

A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent Yiddish asks if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded.

"Where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they ask the deli owner.

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What does a doctor bring when he makes house calls? Why, a doctor’s kit, of course! And when a plumber comes to fix your pipes, he brings a plumbing kit. So it should be no surprise that when a mohel comes to a religious event, he brings a brisket!

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Q: What’s the definition of chutzpah?

A: A kid who kills his parents and the begs the court for mercy because he’s an orphan.